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Confessions of a Scottish Attack Squirrel
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I am: amused amused

6 people have embraced the darkness or Douse the Light
To all my brothers in arms: Thank you. It does not matter your branch, or the paticulars of your service. Knowing the worst that could happen, you still chose.

To those who want to serve, but are not (or were not) permitted: Thank you. Desire counts.

To all those who have never served: Thank you for giving those who did something to protect and come home to when they were done.

Lastly, to those who think the military should die in a fire: please follow your own advice. Like it or not, none of us would be here, today, without strength of arms.
4 people have embraced the darkness or Douse the Light
A sign, seen on the way home from Ranger's Ballpark in Arlington, today:

"Infallible One True Church -->"

'Coz - yeah.

And I have given my wife an assignment. So, as a reminder to her: Suppertime. She'll know what it means. The rest of you don't worry about it ;-).
Douse the Light
MD: So, I see you're in for an ER Follow-up.

Me: That's correct, ma'am.

MD: Gallstone?

Me: With Biliary Colic! Which I've learned is a fancy way of saying 'I have a Gallstone, and it hurts.'

MD: *laughs* So did the ER refer you to a surgeon?

Me: They gave me a referral. They didn't really say if it was for a surgeon, or for a 'in case you don't have a regular doctor, here's a referral to a general physician to cover the needs of your insurance.'

MD: What's his name?

Me: Edward Hyde.

MD: He's a good doctor.

Me: Great. So is he a surgeon?

MD: Yeah. A very good one. I'm making a referral for you right now. His office should call you in a couple of days.

Me: Can we talk about this? I mean, It's only my gallbladder, but I'm kind of attached to it, you know?

MD: Did they check your Liver Enzymes?

Me: That's Bloodwork, right?

MD: Yup.

Me: For the number of times they had to stick me to get the I.V. in place, if they didn't do that test, they should be shot.

MD: Do you know what the results were?

Me: Here's what they gave me. *Hands her the stack of Blue discharge papers from the E.R.*

MD: Oh, you went to a Baylor ER. Hell, I can just pull that up. *taps at keyboard* Oooh.

Me: Oooh is not a good sound. High?

MD: 530. That's almost five-times normal.

Me: So what's that mean?

MD: It means we can't talk about it. Go see the surgeon.

Me: I hate you.

MD: I know. But there's good news.

Me: What's that?

MD: You've lost five pounds since you were last here.

Me: Yeah, well, I still don't like your scale. It says I weigh 10 pounds more than the scale at the gym. I think you should get your scale checked!

MD: I think your gym should get it's scale checked.

Me: I hate you.

MD: So how's your shoulder?

Me: *mumble*mumble*s'okay*mumble*mumble*

MD: Still bothering you, then?

Me: Not really. I mean, not like it was. It's intermittent. I'll go three or four days with nothing, then one day of annoyance.

MD: Gonna send you to see Dr. Frankenstein, too. He's an orthopedic surgeon.

Me: Can we talk about this?

MD: No. It doesn't mean surgery. He's just better equipped to actually diagnose and treat the problem.

Me: I hate you.

MD: My job here is done.

Me: So you coming out to Faire this year?

MD: We're going to try. Actually, his class is going to Medieval times on Friday.

Me: That should be fun.

MD: Yeah. I was supposed to go, but they changed it from Wednesday to Friday. I'm on call Friday, so can't make it.

Me: Sorry.

MD: Oh, and thank you for just going to the emergency room and not waking me up.

Me: I was in pain at 2 a.m. You're not really open then. And I don't have your home phone number. Probably a smart decision on your part, since I hate you right now.

MD: I was the on-call, though. So I'd've taken the call. Then I'd've just told you to go to the emergency room, anyway. And then I'd've had to kill you.

Me: You can't kill me. Lys and I are putting your son through college.

MD: Damn. I hate when you're right.

Me: TeeHee.

MD: Here. Go to the lab and get bloodwork. I want them to check your liver enzymes and make sure they're going down, instead of up.

Me: I hate you until you are dead.

MD: TeeHee.
9 people have embraced the darkness or Douse the Light
Okay - for the rest of this post to make sense, it's important that you've read the Martha Stewart Porn Riff. If you haven't, please do so at this time.

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Done? Good.

So. Martha doesn't have enough money. She's come up with a new way to increase her vast power-base. She's given her daughter, Alexis, a show - Whatever, Martha.

Basically, Alexis, and her best friend MST3K old Martha Stewart episodes.

So, tonight, after watching an episode of the original Iron Chef, we get suckered in to the first few minutes of Whatever, Martha - wherein Alexis pokes fun at her mother's 'Dishwashing 101' skit.

Go to commercial break, but play a teaser for the next segment as we fade out.

The teaser shows a gentleman of middle-eastern Ethnicity teaching Martha how to wrap a Turban.

Martha Stewart.. and an Arab...

I had to turn the T.V. off right then and there. I just couldn't handle it.
10 people have embraced the darkness or Douse the Light
If you are reading this, you probably know about my obsession with Grammar. And spelling.

Long Time readers are no strangers to my ... complaints with our Corporate Communications Guru.

Apparently, my company has created a 'quiet lounge,' where employees can go during their break to experience some total peace and quiet. This is a good thing, as I totally understand the occasional need to get the fuck away from everyone.

The official name for this is 'The Quiet Zone'.

All the corporate communications about this new benefit have used the following intro:

"Need some Quiet Zone?"

No, you braindead cow. I need a quiet zone. Or I need some quiet time.

I understand the desire to include the 'brand name' in the marketing materials, but for Fuck's Sake, people...

I am: distressed distressed

9 people have embraced the darkness or Douse the Light
For Christmas, I got a new Monitor.

LG 22-inch Widescreen LCD.
1680 x 1050
10,000:1 contrast ratio.

It's not HD, but I'm totally cool with that since the PC DVD won't play Blu-Ray or HD.

All I have to say is Holy Crap, Age of Conan looks fucking amazing...
1 person has embraced the darkness or Douse the Light
By: lys1022 upon waiting patiently for me to beat Knights of the Old Republic (again), taking the dark-side path.

"Yeah, Yeah. You're Darth Revan, Lord of the Sith, Master of the Galaxy and Destroyer of the Republic. That's great. Now go fold some fuckin' laundry."

In my world, this is where the funny lives...
2 people have embraced the darkness or Douse the Light
It is Complete.

Like Scrooge after his Haunting, I will rise tomorrow a new man, and it will be said of me that I always kept my Customer well.

The albatross which has weighed down my business soul for ten months lifted itself from around my neck and made the migration from this life to the next.

MIGRATION SUCCESSFUL
A31RD810 DVLP build 1812 Copied to PROD as ver 1.00

Goodnight, New York City. I'm not really going to miss you.

How can I? Phase II starts January 2nd.

Bastard!
2 people have embraced the darkness or Douse the Light
Occasionally, I find myself with a bit too much idle wetware. When this happens, I find myself occupying the unused electrical impulsed in strange ways.

So:

I wonder what was going through the mind of the very first person too look at the būnnu berry and say to himself:

"I bet that if I

  "a) Pluck the seed out of that berry
  "b) Ferment it
  "c) Hose it down with fresh water to remove the fermentation residue
  "d) Let it dry out
  "e) Heat it up until I like the smell
  "f) Crush it, and,
  "g) Steep the crushed remains it in hot water

"It will create a stimulating and tasty beverage that I can use to further my plans of World Domination™"

And yet, somebody did just that. And viola, the very first Starbucks® was born. Except that in 9th century Ethiopia where this all started, it was probably called Asnakes®, which roughly translates as 'I win!'
2 people have embraced the darkness or Douse the Light